Beastmode.

by susansommers

It’s been just over a day since Chris announced his absolute unattraction for me. That day it was like all the feeling I had for the relationship just left my body. I know it’ll be back, but I have immediately began the process of moving on. Most importantly, I deleted photos on my social media (especially wedding photos). It’s so hard though when the man has been in my life (and every aspect of it) for the last almost decade. In the process I found loving posts he had written on Facebook, such as “2 years ago I married the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known, with no idea of how much better of a man I’d be for it…” My god no wonder I was clueless to what was going on!

I have a real estate friend preparing documents already to get the house sold. Chris leaves for London Friday so I’m hoping to start moving all my stuff out next week. My dad is finding me boxes. And I have an attorney that has sent me documents to start working on so we can get paperwork drafted.

I’m trying to stay civil and cut and dry. To get everything sorted out and done so I can really begin to move on with my life. The goal is to be divorced before the school year is out. If we can both stay civil that will be no problem. I just hope his stepdad isn’t barking in his ear about divorce (as he was taken for everything in his divorce many years ago). I am absolutely going Beastmode on this situation… Gimme my skittles!

I am really struggling with one thing right now. Maybe it’s the robot-ness of my current nature, but I haven’t found it in my heart to forgive yet. People forgive murderers all the time, I can forgive a man for screwing me over. But I’m still so angry for all the lies and years of adoration I got, only to be told that I’m just not good enough? I mean you look at his post, and I made him a better man? I still keep saying to myself “how did you miss this?!” I guess time will heal me a bit, and hopefully I can learn and grow in my forgiveness.